1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
