would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
