I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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