i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
