I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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