I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
