im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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