my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
