If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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