Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
