and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
