This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
