I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
