Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I want is dick and wine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
