she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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