the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
