You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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