Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
