so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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