she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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