so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
