The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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