it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
