You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
two words: eviction party
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
