Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
