I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
