I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
