We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
