Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
