I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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