one two three fourrrrnication!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We need a shit load of segways right now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
