dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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