So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So much rum. So many feels.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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