It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
