apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
send nudes
from the living room?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
