You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize