D3 body, D1 cock
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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