Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
