I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
