Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
