Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
