I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
