yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
