I love black thongs
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
