3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
