Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
