I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
