im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
