Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
