Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
