I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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