nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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