i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize