it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
