i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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