Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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