somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
