dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
