Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need water and some morals
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize