Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
