your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
