He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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