my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
