Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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