ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
