dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
