Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
