why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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