and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
