from now on my penis is your penis
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
